Once the time goes, it’s gone
And no wisdom can retrieve it.
Grave thoughts bear the mind down.
And the body has no choice but to follow.
It comes down to yes or no, and pain’s in back
of every choice that turns to act.
What I find in the night, other than darkness.
In the darkness, other than light.
Solace. What a lovely word.
Solstice. What a lovely word.
— Sylvia Plath (via seelifethroughpinkglasses)
Me to myself: grow up
for anyone who needs this tonight
today you pissed on my foot
i felt the wet drip as i gripped
your hand in mine and grabbed your shoulder
trying to lift you up, it seems like nowadays all
i do is lift you up…
and sometimes you will hold on to me like i am
there but usually you’re clutching at walkway entries
chair handles, the cracks between open doors. i keep
saying “you need to stop grabbing stuff, i can support you,
use me as support.” you nod, but still reach for the top of a side
table, baby steps, “give me a minute, i just need to rest.”
i never would have thought it would be like this.
imagine a million years ago in my mind, the thoughts
that constantly are streaming in my head, they were
not equipped for this, for me to be sitting in straight backed
chairs and too soft beds for you to yell my name or say
“okay, i’m ready.”
i change chucks, i dump piss, i dispense meds, i try
not to clench my teeth but it’s all i can do sometimes,
my mouth is so goddamn sore.
i keep telling myself that it’s not ready yet, i’m not ready yet
i’m not ready to put the words down i don’t think i’m ready yet
and maybe i won’t be for awhile but this is a start, this counts.
Almost every Black person knows that talking about racism or even mentioning race gets them attacked. To think that Black people attempt to get through life “playing the race card” shows that a person is out of touch with reality, willfully ignorant or brazenly obtuse.
Black people have to bite their tongue and suffer and silence because the ramifications of speaking about racism are just to severe.